Kingdom what?

Hi Darling,

As a single Christian, we tend to hear the phrase “kingdom spouse” everywhere — but what does that really mean? And why do we search for it so hard, so often?

In my single era (or whatever you want to call it), I used to always look for a crush or scan the room for the cutest guy in church. But as I’m maturing in my faith and growing my relationship with Jesus, I’m learning that not everything is about a significant other — and marriage is not the answer I once thought it was.

For years I prayed for a husband.

Journal entry after journal entry.

I even made a specific journal for him.

I had to sit with this realization in silence one night and ask myself—have I been loving the idea of marriage more than I love Jesus?

This was when I realized God has been showing me something… I’m not ready for a relationship. Not even close. Because if the goal is to love Jesus more than a husband, I can honestly admit — some days I’m not there yet.

Some nights I lay in bed watching romance movies. Instead of reading my Bible, I talk to God about my future husband more than I talk to Him about our relationship. And those are red flags I’ve had to start noticing in myself. I’ve caught myself always looking for the cutest guy in the room.

But this was never the end goal of following Jesus.

To be a Christian is to lay down your life and follow Him. And I cannot fully lay down my heart if I’m constantly trying to hand it to a guy. The definition of surrender is to lay it down and leave it there — but if you keep picking it back up, it’s not truly surrendered.

As Christians, we have to be careful not to seek after something God hasn’t released yet. It’s one thing to pray in faith. It’s another thing to obsess and idolize.

A “kingdom spouse” is often described as someone God aligns with your purpose to help advance His Kingdom — not just to fulfill your loneliness. But sometimes we fall so in love with the idea of that person that we forget the One who is supposed to be first.

In Genesis, God says it is not good for man to be alone — and yes, that can point to marriage. But it can also point to community. To friendship. To accountability. To being seen and loved by the body of Christ. Not every answer to loneliness has to be romantic.

In our single season, we have an opportunity that is so sacred. We get uninterrupted time with our Father. We get to learn ourselves. We get to confront our red flags while it’s just us and God — so those same issues don’t bleed into future marriages.

So instead of searching for a way out of singleness, what if we embraced it?

What if we chose to be one with Jesus first?

I challenge you, in this season, to fall in love with the Father before you fall in love with the promise.

With Love,

Neci 🤍